Thrive in Trying Times Teach-Out
Discover More Thriving through Connections / Lesson 2 of 4
Compassion in the time of Covid Interview
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Compassion in the time of COVID interview
In addition to being the Teach Out host, Monica studies compassion in organizations. In this article she asked members of a global micro-community of compassion scholars, called CompassionLab, to discuss why compassion is linked to thriving in trying times. The topic is so obviously relevant to living in the time of coronavirus that Monica wanted you to hear many ideas for awakening compassion in the time of COVID.
Monica:
Hi Jason. It’s so good to chat with you about compassion in the time of COVID. I’m curious about how you think the current situation colors our usual definition of compassion. We usually define compassion in more academic language as a four-part human experience that involves: 1) noticing suffering; 2) interpreting the circumstances and the person as worthy of your empathy and concern; 3) feeling empathic concern; and 4) acting to alleviate suffering in some way, small to large. What are you thinking about the meaning of compassion these days?
Jason Kanov, Professor of Management, College of Business & Economics, Western Washington University
Hi Monica. It’s good to chat with you too. We have often said that you can think of compassion as “the heart’s response to suffering,” which is how the teacher Jack Kornfield describes it. Compassion is about giving wholehearted attention and care to people (including ourselves) who are suffering. When we see and attend to our own and others’ suffering, we are tapping into our and others’ full humanity, which helps with healing and for forming deep, meaningful connections. Healing and connecting are keys to thriving.
Monica
It’s such a good reminder about compassion and the heart, Jason. And also to direct compassion to ourselves. That’s something I know is on your mind, Reut.
Reut Livne-Tarandach, Assistant Professor of Management, O’Malley School of Business, Manhattan College
Hi Monica. Yes, that’s true. Let me invite you to think of compassion as an oxygen mask. Like a plane at take-off, we are reminded that before helping others with their masks in case of emergency, we have to make sure we have our own masks on. When we engage in self-compassion, we “put on our oxygen masks”, mindfully turning to a place where we can more easily notice our needs, examine ourselves in a loving light, and then take action to sustain ourselves through trying times. Offering compassion to others is akin to taking the time to help others find and put on their oxygen masks: extending compassion to others, help others feel seen and heard in ways that expand their ability to endure through challenges. Relating to others compassionately can also serve as an oxygen boost that helps us notice gifts and talents that might have been otherwise invisible and can now be resourced toward other aspects of our lives.
Monica
That is such an important reminder of the connection between ourselves and others in terms of our capability for offering compassion. Sally, I know you’ve been thinking about this link too. How do you see the link between compassion and thriving both for ourselves and for others in a trying time like the one we are living in now?
Sally Maitlis, Professor of Organizational Behaviour and Leadership, Saïd Business School, University of Oxford
Thanks, Monica. It’s true, I am thinking about that. Compassion is important now because so many people are suffering in so many different ways. While many are fearing or grieving the loss of those close to them, others are struggling to look after young children as they adapt to a whole new way of working. Still others have lost jobs and are looking at the economic forecast with growing dread. Many people are physically isolated at present and are suffering alone. Receiving compassion from another is connecting and enabling. These feelings are strengthening and can help someone to see possibility where previously there was none. By reaching out to others with compassion, whatever their current struggle, we let them know that we see and care for them. Feeling that from another, even though they can’t take away our pain, can be transformational.
Monica
It’s so interesting to me to think about compassion as transformational, even when it can’t take away pain. Suntae, I think this is something you have mentioned as well.
Suntae Kim, Assistant Professor of Management and Organization, Carroll School of Management, Boston College
Thanks, Monica. That’s true. I’ve been thinking that receiving compassion makes you realize that you are not alone in the hardship. A challenge feels insurmountable if you feel you have to overcome it all by yourself. However, when you feel that you are part of a caring community that could provide additional assistance or resources, you can begin thinking about fighting aback. Compassion generates emotional energy to try again, and ultimately thrive. And this is not just true for us as individuals with a few others who are close to us. It’s true for large groups, organizations, and communities as well. Showing compassion builds heartfelt connections, creating a foundation for courageous collective action to address a difficult situation.
Monica
That’s a beautiful observation, Suntae. Compassion as a foundation for courageous collective action—Verner, I think you were mentioning compassion in this way, for collective action in work organizations.
Verner Worm, Associate Professor, Department of International Economics, Government and Business, Copenhagen Business School
Thanks, Monica. That’s true. In trying times, there is more need to help those experiencing problems at work than in normal times, because things are more difficult for the individual employee, who therefore need support from compassionate colleagues. When more employees need compassionate support, we need organizational level action as well as compassionate people.
Monica
Absolutely, Verner. The need for organizational level compassion capability is one reason that I’m so glad we are sharing the social architecture model for amplifying thriving in trying times. The more we all think like designers of social systems that can awaken compassion through network connections, adapting routines, calling on the best in our cultural values and rituals, and imagining compassion is part of all of our roles, no matter our technical job descriptions.
Reut Livne-Tarandach
That’s so crucial, Monica. Because we might be tempted to run our lives pretending we can plow through this pandemic, taking a business-as-usual approach. In the spirit of sticking to our old routines, focusing on productivity, we might ignore COVID’s devastating impact at home and/or at work. At the end of the day, we won’t be able to avoid the pain caused by this pandemic. We need to design for compassion in everything we do. The pain we endure might be unspoken of and thus made invisible, but as Prof. Peter Frost used to say, “there is always pain in the room.” Compassion calls our attention to turn toward rather than away from pain.
Monica
That’s so important, Reut. It is too easy to get caught up in pressure for getting things done and allow ourselves to look away from all the disruption and struggle in everyone’s lives right now. Hooria, I think that is one of your areas of expertise. How are you thinking about that now?
Hooria Jazaieri, Postdoctoral Research Fellow, Management & Organizations and Marketing, Kellogg School of Management, Northwestern University
Thanks, Monica. While we compassion teachers often say that “all beings suffer,” it is no more apparent than now. Suffering is what connects us to others and makes us human. At times suffering is quite salient – a person on a ventilator in a hospital, someone sleeping on the street, children experiencing abuse and neglect. At other times, suffering is still present, but may not be quite as visible – a person experiencing anxiety, depression, or loneliness, a family skipping meals due to economic hardship. When we interact with others these days via email, video conferencing, at the grocery store, or in our neighborhoods, we can choose to remember that, just like us, this person is also suffering. From this perspective, we can choose a more generous way of relating to and interacting with others. While these are trying times, choosing this orientation of compassion is a skill that, with practice, can be enhanced. Every day, we can choose one small context where we can practice this skill of compassion. Extending the benefit of the doubt to someone, withholding judgment of ourselves, acknowledging that suffering is part of the thread that connects us with all other beings on earth, especially now during these unprecedented times.
Monica
I’m so grateful that we have wise and experienced compassion teachers in our midst. Thank you Hooria. And you remind me to bring us all around to sharing a few ideas about what we can all DO right now to practice compassion and to train ourselves, as you said, to enhance our skill. Hooria, why don’t you lead us off?
Hooria Jazieri
Okay, I will! When negative emotions like fear, stress, uncertainty, and overwhelm are high, we are more susceptible to believing our distorted thoughts about ourselves, others, and the world more generally. We are also likely to more impulsively act in unskillful ways such as lashing out at our kids when they are being noisy or yelling at the pets who interrupt our video meetings. It helps to breathe. Acknowledge and validate your emotions, whatever they are. And when you find yourself worrying about the future, redirect your wandering attention back to the present moment, again and again.
Monica
Thank you so much, Hooria. I need those reminders! To all of you who are reading this, thank you for focusing on compassion in the time of COVID. We all need it more than ever.